June 1, 2015. The day I heard the words, "Well, there isn't a heart beat."
...but there has to be. I just heard it, saw it, only two weeks ago. You're lying. The Ultrasound Technician is wrong. She didn't listen long enough. Can we do another one? Maybe the machine is broken. When did you last have the machine tested? Do they break? I know you tried to hear it on your portable one first... They're both broken. She's alive. I know she is. Don't. Stop. It can't be true. We tried for so long.
None of that conversation actually happened. Instead I sat in the room with the bright blue wall and wept. Sobbed. Tried to calm my legs. They were shaking so badly. I was shaking so badly. I heard only a few words.
I'm so sorry. Possible Down Syndrome. D&C. Pill. Naturally. Maybe 3 weeks. Do you want to come back?
Nothing else mattered because this is the day that my world stopped.
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